Finding the work life balance

This last week has been a bit hectic. I was sick for the better half of the week, and the remnants of the sickness has left me knackered. Just at the time when I least need to feel knackered. Coming to the end of the year, where there seems to be so much for to do than at any other time of the year and included in all of that, there have been birthday parties galore, well, not quite but certainly feels like it, which Bean has been invited to.

I like that she is invited to birthday parties, she is a gorgeous little girl and such a kind natured little soul, it is not surprising that she has lots of friends;-)

This week, I have been struggling with 'mommy guilt'. It's not something I have really had to deal with in the last five years as for the most part, I am a 'full time mom' and working in the evenings or mornings. While working in the evening, Dad looks after Bean so though I may not be around, Dad is, which I think is great for bond building. I have always worked around Bean but now things are beginning to change slightly and as exciting as it is, it is change.

Last week she was invited to a birthday party, which I wasn't able to take her to due to my work schedule, it was a Thursday afternoon, so not wanting her to miss out because I was working, I asked another mom to take her with her and her daughter. Which she was fine and happy to do, thank goodness:-)
This week again, she was invited to another party, again on a Thursday, while I am working, Again I had to request that she went with the same mom, Again she was happy to help out.
Next week, she has been invited to yet another party, on a Wednesday, when I start my new job (eek nerves...) so I have asked the same mom again to take her with and she is fine.

Last night I had an attack of mommy guilt! Firstly for asking someone else to look after my child, when I am 'supposed' to. Secondly, because is it fair or me to ask someone else to take responsibility for my child at a party. Thirdly, because I am supposed to be able to take her to parties. That is why I work the way I do, so that I am available to do these things with her. Fourthly, because am I enabling her to grow up just that bit quicker by allowing her to go out 'on her own'?

Now, I know that it is just an attack of the guilts which we all feel at some point if we are not There at All Times but I still felt emotional about it and now with starting a new job, it will be another day in the week that I am not there. But, I work Mondays to Thursdays, evenings and mornings, I am still able to collect her from school, feed her lunch, read her a snooze time book, bake and play with her bar for Wednesdays when  she will be looked after by her nanny. So, I think it is still OK even though the guilts are here. And this isn't one of those  rants against working or non working mothers, this is just me dealing with change, and having been ill, really doesn't bode well for feeling emotional...!

I really enjoy my work, it fulfills another part of myself that one just doesn't get at home. It feeds a part of my soul knowing that in some small way I can help another person manage pain, or give them better movement patterns, or alleviate pain completely. And I really enjoy being a mom, I love spending time with my daughter, I love her conversations, she is a beautiful soul, I guess it is just about finding the right balance without the guilt.