Right now I am feeling emotionally drained. I went to see my therapist today and spent the better half of the time in tears and for one who doesn't do the leaky seams thing very often, it felt like half of my emotional insides had fallen out and spewed all over the floor. Soaking through my wall of armour and melting it into a puddle of relief and thankfulness. I felt like I was 5 years old and was being told that it is fine to be me. To feel the contradictory things I feel. That there is space for me and my feelings and that it was OK to feel like that. I cannot describe the sense of freedom, but the tears still came. In great wrenching sobs that I tried to conceal with breath holding and still they came. I fear there are more waiting in the wings.
On a brighter note, I have the evening off! The Man and I decided that we would have one night on and one night off from doing the bedtime routine with Bean and tonight is my night off, which means, I can climb into bed, huddle under the blankets with my book and then drift off to sleep. Perchance to dream a dreamless sleep.
Maybe next week, I should go and have my hair done too. Nothing like a good hair experience to lift the spirits! (Thanks Shayne for the idea...)
3 comments:
U ok love? I fear if i phone you now the walls may come tumbling down again, so i'll phone tom morning.
Yay to new bedtime planning - i'd go insane doing it everynight.
Love you xxx
That is one thing that I still find so hard to grasp...that before you can feel better, often times you have to go through so much pain that it feels that you can't bear it...but then comes the relief.
Hang in there my dear, you will be okay, and it will be okay to let the ones that are waiting in the wings come too.
Sorry to hear. Glad that you have a good therapist - for saying that its okay to feel like you do! Enjoy the off-night!
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